Friday, July 1, 2016

"Some of us hide it, but I won't"

     The following was written by Saaim Ali, another person who has come into my life since my epilepsy reappeared last summer, after so many years of smooth sailing.
     Since I began to follow her Instagram account last year, I have been impressed by Saaim's positive attitude and fighting spirit. She reminds me a little bit of myself, or at least how I try to be.
     After reading a recent post about her struggles in school, I asked Saaim if she would like to write something for this blog, and she agreed.
     My name is Saaim Ali. I am 17 years old and will be a senior in high school in October. From when I was a young girl until now, it has always been difficult for me. I would actually cry at home when I couldn't understand something at school.
     Luckily, my dad is able to help me with math and science, but even when he did, it was sometimes overwhelming and I would cry again. I never really spoke up about it to any of my friends, but my grades showed my struggle.
     In math, I wasn't very good because no matter how hard I studied, it seemed to get me nowhere. Still, I kept going.
     When high school started, it was like a new beginning for me. I went to classes on time but still, my grades were horrible. It was frustrating, and my teachers probably thought I was lazy.
     My bad grades were not because I didn't care but rather due to my epilepsy. I don't like to blame things on my epilepsy, but it feels like I have no choice.
     People called me stupid, and when I explained it and told them about the seizure activity in my brain, they ignored me. It felt like an atomic bomb waiting to explode, and one day I did. It was so overwhelming that I wrote on my wall that I was stupid with a broken heart.
     I don't talk about my problems to gain pity. The reason I talk about them is to make the people who don't give a shit stop and listen. Yes, I can study even harder and yes, I can study sooner. Trust me when I say that I have tried.
     Now that the Common Core is here, I feel like my high school experience is going to be worse than ever. There is more I would like to say, but I am running out of time.
     Epilepsy isn't a short-term effect. It's with me throughout the day, every day. When my hands start to shake and I stutter or mix up my words, you should notice there is terror in my eyes. I am afraid.
     Some of us hide it, but I won't. I am afraid, but I won't let epilepsy win this battle.